Isn’t it great to be alive? Tell me, what do you think of the phrase ‘The Head Examiner’? It’s certainly catchy. It may raise a wee smile. It took a while to come up with, and it’s a nice pun on the name of this newspaper. Lately though I have come to realise that there is one obvious limitation in it, and that is the use of the word ‘Examiner’. It doesn’t really say what I do.

To examine something means to inspect something closely, to investigate or analyse, in order to gain insight. Now that is grand for a newspaper, but when it comes to people’s problems, insight is only half the battle. Action is also required. Given that NLP (and Hypnotherapy) is basically a ’Toolbox for Life’, I can’t help feeling that ‘The Head Mechanic’ might be a more accurate title. A mechanic also examines and analyses. But that’s only half his job. A good mechanic then takes immediate action to fix the problem. That’s why you find yourself a good mechanic. One you can trust.

Lots of people ask me “What exactly do you do?” Well the short answer is “I fix broken people”. Often they are not broken at all, they just think they are. Most times people are just in need of a service (a change of filters; check the brakes; change the oil etc.) and an engine tune. And it’s amazing the difference a service and tune-up will make in terms of performance.

But what difference does all the choice of word make? Well, one thing that absolutely puts lots of people off ‘Therapy’ is the belief that it is all talk and no action. Spilling your inner turmoil to some ‘nodding-dog’ Therapist who says they ‘feel your pain’, but offer no solutions, no techniques or strategies for dealing with it. Did you ever laugh watching The Sopranos when Tony would lose the head (again) when his therapist asks him (again) ‘And how does that make you feel? Well, I’m with Tony on this one.

As a Therapist, I will always respect, and honour, the feelings of a Client. I will empathise and sympathise, but I can state one thing categorically. I WILL NOT FEEL YOUR PAIN. That is not my job. It is certainly not the reason why people choose to pay me their hard-earned money. They pay me to help them. To fix the problem. So, I will not share your pain. What I WILL do is to help you define it; understand it; accept it; cope with it; deal with it; and GET RID of it.

I simply do not see the point of getting people to re-run or re-live an episode of their lives, unless you intend to show them how to take action for themselves.

Most of us have self-limiting beliefs. It may be because of a past traumatic episode, or it may seem silly and insignificant. Believe me, if it stops you from doing or achieving anything, it is not insignificant. We all have things we can’t bring ourselves to do. Often we tell ourselves we do not WANT to do them, we don’t WANT to try something new. Deep down we know we are only trying to kid ourselves. But we put off sorting it out, because we think it’s only us; because we are a bit embarrassed; because we don’t know where to go; because we have ‘learned to live with it’.

Well I can tell you now (from my own experience, and that of several hundred other Quest-trained Therapists)… it’s NOT just you. Whatever it is, lot’s of people have exactly your issue; you have nothing to feel embarrassed about; there IS somewhere you can go; and if you are fed-up with having to ‘live with it’, you can be free of it.

So, if you have a niggling self-doubt or fear, you can soldier on, as you have done for years. You will have developed coping mechanisms. I sincerely say, well done. You will probably be an expert at avoiding whatever it is that pushes your buttons. Or you can decide that this is the time to take bold action, and sort it out once and for all. If now is the right time for you, give me a ring. I won’t feel your pain – but I might just help you to get rid of it. The choice, as ever is yours. Thank You for listening!

________________________________________________________________

PLAINLY POSITIVE

This Course is FULLY BOOKED. I have to say it has been a pleasure so far, and we have a great mix of men & women of all ages. We got a lot of the foundations in last time so this week the fun stuff starts…

Isn’t it great to be alive? You know the way we sometimes need an arm around the shoulder, and sometimes need a kick up the backside? Well I have had a number of clients (and friends) thank me lately for speaking very plainly, and honestly. One even commented “No-one ever cared enough to shout before”.

Now this does not mean that I actually shouted at her. It simply means that after spending some time getting to know her, and her issues, and gaining her trust, I felt the time for some straight talking had come. It worked. It was enough to break her self-pitying default state. A wake-up call. Which was just what she needed, at that particular time.

Now it’s much harder to pull this off, without offending people, in print. Obviously you can’t know every reader personally, and it’s hard to convey inflection in the written word. But sometimes, things just need said. So, here goes…

Standing up to the bully

If you had a so-called ‘friend’ who constantly bad-mouthed you; who always put you down; called you stupid; bullied you; undermined you; always told you ‘you are useless/stupid/weak/; you’re not good enough; you never were; you never will be; the chances are you would know that they were not much of a friend – and would cut them out of your life.

Furthermore, we would find it hard to listen to anybody treat one of our loved ones in this way. Whether we spoke up directly to the bully, or simply removed our family or friend from their company, we would have to take action. Even the most timid of us would not be long advising our children to ditch a ‘mate’ like that. To do nothing would not be an option.

So why is it that so many of us talk to ourselves like that all the time? Seriously, if any body else spoke to us the way we often speak to ourselves we wouldn’t be long telling them where to go. If a stranger followed you around all day (to work, to your home, to your bedroom; to the bathroom); if they poked their nose, uninvited, into every conversation with your partner or kids; were constantly in your face (and in your ears!); what would you NOT be prepared to do to get rid of them? Let’s face it. They would wind up either battered, arrested or committed.

And yet many of us, often for perfectly understandable reasons, run ourselves down all the time. We self-sabotage every good, positive thought or deed. Sometimes we are so programmed for this, that we don’t even try anymore – because we ‘know’ we are ‘useless’ anyway. And if we ‘know’ this, then so must everybody else. We often dress it up as ‘keeping our feet on the ground’ or ‘being realistic’ when, in reality, we are scaring and bullying ourselves out of action.

Let’s be blunt. If you do this… YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER BULLY – STOP IT! You wouldn’t (I hope) bully anybody else, so stop bullying yourself. If you bully yourself, you are giving permission to others to do the same. Stop it. Now.

How can you complain about society/the world conspiring against you, when YOU are your biggest critic. So do yourself, and the rest of us, a favour. Have a day off. Be nice to yourself for a change. You are doing the best you can with what you’ve got. Give yourself a pat on the back, take a chill pill and relax. You are OK. It’s not just you. Everybody is struggling in their own way, some people just hide it better.

When we learn to just be nice to ourselves, to accept ourselves, then we quickly find our impression of every little thing changes. The responsibility for that change lies with you, not the rest of the world. So you can choose to carry on beating yourself up every day. Or you can stop it. NOW. And begin to show yourself the respect you show to others, and you would like others to show to you. The choice, as ever is yours. Be happy – and Thank You for Listening!

PLAINLY POSITIVE

After the success of last week’s Introduction night, I must say I am really looking forward to working with the lovely people who have signed up. The first class is on this Weds night (28^th) at 8pm. Venue: Silverbridge GFC. Fees of £40 (£10 per week) are payable in full, in advance, thank you.

Please note. THIS COURSE IS NOW FULLY BOOKED. If I don’t have your details already then I am sorry, but you don’t have a place. If you would like to have your name put on the reserve list, in case of any cancellations – or would like to be contacted when the next course begins – please get in touch, and I will do my level best to accommodate you.

Plainly Positive

Isn’t it great to be alive? Well, last week’s article seems to have created something of a stir. Just to remind you of what I am talking about… it’s a FREE Introductory Talk for a short course in positivity, in happiness and in TAKING ACTION. It’s on this Wednesday at Silverbridge GFC at 8pm. I will give a short presentation, which I am sure you will find informative (and definitely entertaining) and I will gladly answer any questions you may have. If even half the people who have said they are coming turn up, you may get there early to get a good seat. I have to say I am greatly looking forward it. Why not join us. 

One thing you can say about this area is that there are plenty people who shoot straight from the lip – who tell it like it is. I am grateful to some of these people for pointing out, in very plain language, some shortcomings in the Course I was proposing.

Now when people tell you what you need to know, as opposed to what you might like to hear, you have two choices. You can take what they say on board, and make some changes, or you can say “To hell with them, I’ll go me own way”. Which is the right way depends entirely on the situation. On this occasion I could instantly see the wisdom in what I was being told, and have made two important changes. One, the Course is now a short, snappy, straight-to-the-point 4 nights… instead of a long-winded, ‘this is like going back to school’ 6 weeks!

Secondly, people told me that ‘In Pursuit of Happiness’ was a bit too woolly, a bit too group-huggy a title or concept. So the course is now called ‘PLAINLY POSITIVE  – positive thinking in layman’s terms’. This explains exactly what it is. It’s the very best (practical) ideas and techniques – that can CHANGE AND ENHANCE YOUR LIFE, STRAIGHT AWAY – explained in normal people’s language. No Jargon. No nonsense. There will be very little writing. There will be lot’s of craic.

One thing that does not change is the money-back guarantee. If, at the end of the 4 nights, your life has not been changed and enhanced by the Course, you can have your money back – all of it! Am I being cocky? No, I am just calmly confident, in myself, in the message, and in my delivery. Calmly confident? Yes, I am. Nowadays. But I wasn’t always like this!

You will learn…

• To take responsibility - Understand your own power to control your mood, your thoughts and your emotions
• How to ‘Seize The Day’…  make each day something that you choose and control, not just something that happens to you
• The Power of Forgiveness – how letting go of bad stuff is good (for you)
• The Power of Gratitude – how you get back what you give out, and what a wonderful world you can make for yourself

You will feel, and be,

• Happier
• More contented
• More confident
• More enthusiastic

Let me be clear. This Course will not suit everybody! If you prefer your medicine diluted or sugar-coated; Don’t come on this course. If you prefer to wallow in your own misery and self-pity, where it’s the world that’s out of step rather than you – this course is not for you; If you drain the life out of people with your negativity – don’t come. If you derive pleasure from other people’s misery – you are not wanted! Unless of course you want to change these things!

If, however, you are curious to know just how life-changing this stuff can be; if you want to be happier; be more positive, to learn how to beat the Blues, how to enrich your life and that of your loved ones… I look forward to meeting you this Wednesday night. It should be a great nights craic. If, on the other hand, you already know everything… stay at home, muttering to yourself, and kick the dog (again)! The choice, as always, is yours. Thank You for listening.

PLAINLY POSITIVE

Positive thinking… in layman’s language

A FREE Introductory Talk

Weds 21^st October, Silverbridge GFC, 8pm prompt

Isn’t it great to be alive? Imagine a short Course called ‘In Pursuit of Happiness’. It involves a minimum two hours per week of your time. Imagine a programme that guaranteed you would feel happier and more content at the end of it - or YOU CAN HAVE YOUR MONEY BACK. ‘Ah,’ you say, ‘there’s bound to be a catch’. But no, it means exactly what it says on the tin. Very simple. Your money back… ALL OF IT!  

Well it will be full of ‘book-learnt’, fancy stuff that sounds great, but won’t work in the real world... Not this time. Every single technique you learn, every exercise you do, has been ‘pressure-tested’ in real life by thousands before you. Many things have been tried out , the best are all included. This course has absolutely no Crystals, no chanting, no ‘getting in touch with you inner… whatever’, and definitely no group hugs! What it does have is ordinary working people learning brilliant stuff to make themselves, and their families, happier.

Well the fella running it will be an ould Hippy, or some mad Professor-type, using loads of jargon and trying to blind us with science... Nope. The fella running it is an ordinary five-eight (a builder actually) who looks, and talks, like you. The whole thing is delivered in layman’s terms, in language that anyone can understand. There is no Mr Smart-arse trying to make himself feel good, and you feel silly, because he knows a few fancy words. In fact he sees his job in terms of being a translator. He has spent years learning this approach and asks, ‘Why should only posh people have access to the good stuff?’

But I haven’t ‘studied’ in years… Not a bother. This is not school. You just have to listen, join in and have a bit of craic. Answer me this question. How do you eat an elephant? By taking bite-sized chunks… one mouthful at a time. That’s how this course is designed. Nothing will be ‘over your head’.

What if he tries to get me to stand up and speak in front of the whole crowd? He wont. He knows his job is to build your confidence, not wreck it! The whole idea of a group-based programme, is that the confident ones can speak up, and the quieter ones don’t have to – but everybody learns and enjoys. 

I suppose it’s on in some fancy hotel in Dublin, or up a mountain in West Cork?  Ford’s Cross actually, at Silverbridge Football Club.

I suppose it costs an arm and a leg? Nope. It is priced realistically and offers  excellent value for money. The Introductory night is FREE OF CHARGE. All you have to do is come along and listen with an open mind. You do not have to sign up to anything you don’t want to, and will not be pressurised. In fact, at the end of the night, if you are not convinced (or do not feel ready to commit) – then quite frankly, this is not for you.

How can you be so sure of all this? Simple. I will be delivering the Course myself, and I KNOW it works! I have spent hundreds of hours (and several thousand pounds) over the last few years learning all this great, inspiring stuff. This is your chance to get some for a small fraction of that amount. The stuff we will cover has completely changed my life, and that of my loved ones. I think everybody should be able get some, and change their life for the better too.

Don’t struggle – Take action!

I know One-on-One coaching can seem expensive, especially in these troubled times. I also know that many people are struggling to cope with pressure, stress, anxiety and unhappiness. And that’s before we factor in the Winter Blues (which affect so many of us) and the fact that Christmas (the most stressful time of the year) is fast approaching. That’s why I have developed this short course around group work. Give me your time and honest commitment, and I will give you the tools, and the confidence, to feel happier about yourself, about your life. Plus, and I can’t really say this any more plainly, IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPIER AFTER SIX WEEKS…YOU CAN HAVE YOUR MONEY BACK… ALL OF IT!

If I have whet your appetite, why not come along to a Talk, called ‘In Pursuit of Happiness’which will be a bit of craic in itself? It’s at Silverbridge GFC, on Wednesday 21^st October. It starts at 8pm sharp. THERE IS NO ADMISSION CHARGE for the talk, and I will gladly answer any questions you may have. The programme itself starts the week after. What have you to lose by listening?… except maybe your limitations and chains! You will be under no obligation. If you enjoy reading this Column, you will LOVE this Course. If you think everything I write here is nonsense… don’t come! The choice, as ever, is yours. Be happy, and Thank You For Listening!

Isn’t it great to be alive? This week I think it is time to shine a light on into a few dark corners and, just for a change, speak my mind! I respectfully offer you a way to INSTANT SUCCESS in whatever it is you choose to do.

Over the last 20 years a series of goal-centred industries have arisen. Between Life or Business Coaching, Sports Psychology, Positive Mental Attitude etc you can’t move for goal-setters. Much of industry is bedeviled by box-ticking, anal-retentive, target-focussed eejits of every make, shape and form. The health Service is one particularly striking example, where the (patient-focussed) staff are driven nuts on a daily basis, by clipboard-wielding fanatics - who know the price of everything and the value of nothing – and can’t find a ‘human factor’ box on their tick-list! “Sorry, the computer says NO!”

So what has that to do with this column? Well everything really. When setting goals it is VITAL that we remember that it is not the prize that makes it all worthwhile – it is the journey. It is what we learn on the way that makes us grow and develop.

If you focus solely on the goal then you are, and remain, a failure until the very moment of success. The goal is always ahead of you in the future, and the present is the pain you must suffer to get there. It is to be endured, so that the prize can be got. Even then, soon after that fleeting sensation of achievement you have the empty feeling of anti-climax once more – so you need another goal to chase. You end up like a dog in a never-ending game of ‘fetch’. And this is supposed to make you happy?

If on the other hand you treat the whole thing as a project instead. This is not just a different label for the same thing. It changes EVERYTHING. A project is here and now, not away in the future. Every single thing, every single action, every single thought you do or have in pursuit of your project represents success! Think about that for a minute. Every day, every hour, every minute means you are winning. The ONLY way you can ever fail is to leave the game altogether. How exciting a prospect is that?

How pleasant and easy a journey would you have if you knew that every single step was a success. In a project, even dead-ends, detours and wrong turns all count as winning. Even if you discover you are going in completely the wrong direction, it is merely a useful lesson learned, and is still a success. Every challenge, every obstacle, is just an opportunity to learn, one more successful step towards your inevitable victory.

To put this in practical terms… suppose you are trying to lose weight. You have a target weight of 10 stone and currently weigh 12. The traditional (goal-driven) way is that until you berate, bully, and argue yourself to exactly that weight, you are a failure. Sugar in your tea? Failure. Butter on your toast? Loser. Every chip, every cake, represents a defeat. Walked two miles? Why didn’t you do four, you useless waster. You are a bad, weak person, blah, blah, blah. Little wonder that people end up feeling miserable, saying ‘To hell with this’ and comfort/binge eating.

OR you can treat it as a work in progress, a project. Now every action, every thought you take is a success. You take one spoon of sugar instead of three? Success. Just butter, no Jam? Congratulations. Walked 300 yards to the shop? Now you’re sucking diesel! The only question is “How much success can you stand?” Even if you ‘fall off the wagon’ altogether, just getting back on track means you are a winning.

We all know we prefer encouragement rather than criticism – no matter how constructively it is offered. So as days and weeks pass you will naturally find yourself making better food and lifestyle decisions – not because these are the choices you SHOULD make, but because they have become what you actually WANT to do. You can enjoy losing weight! Who’da thunk it?

The headline says it all. You CAN choose instant success. You still have to work, sometimes very hard, towards your goal. The difference is that with the right frame of mind, it doesn’t have to feel like work at all. Imagine you are at a fork in the road. You have to choose which one to take, even though they both have the same prize at the end. One road is full of obstacles, pitfalls and hardship. There is no respite from the hardship until the end of the road – if you make it. If you don’t make it all the way you are a failure and have wasted your time and energy. Again! The other road also has just as many obstacles and hazards, but (crucially) it also has rest stops or staging posts. At each of these you can rest up, congratulate yourself on making it this far, enjoy lots of small rewards, and look forward to the next leg of your journey. Even if you never make it to the end, you will collect hundreds of these rewards, which will still make the journey worthwhile. The choice, as ever, is entirely yours. Thank You for listening.

Isn’t it great to be alive?

A very wise man once wrote…

If you can start the day without caffeine; If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains; If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles; If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it; If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time; If you can take criticism and blame without resentment; If you can conquer tension without medical help; If you can relax without liquor; If you can sleep without the aid of drugs... then you are probably the family dog!

Hands up those who thought, having seen the words ‘Inner Peace’, that this was gonna be a ‘worthy’, moralising article? Sorry if anyone is disappointed, but I can’t help feeling that most people would be relieved. Relieved that they are not about to get preached at; given out to; talked down to.

Why is it that as soon as some people have something worthwhile to say, they become hard to listen to? Becoming all holier-than-thou is one sure way to get people to close their ears. As my uncle Jack, God rest him, used to say - “There’s no hoor like a reformed hoor!” Muslims have a great saying, ‘Perfection is for God’. All the rest of us are just struggling along as best we can.

So what’s my point? Well, why should life be lived po-faced. Is there some rule that says that because a subject is deep and serious you can’t have a laugh whilst addressing it? I make it my business to have a bit of craic with every client I see. Why? Why not? Life is for living – not enduring.

The fact remains though that most of us respond better to encouragement than finger wagging. If you can make your point with a smile on your face, all the better as far as I can see.

Raining On Your Parade

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. You know, the kind of person who lights up a room by leaving it. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

“We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Girl, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.”

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time, in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to business class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million refurbishment job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized,  and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well,”  muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope.”
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally
greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Holy Father himself walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Jeez, that’s a terror! What'd he say ?"
He said: “Who made a b******s of your hair?”

Thank you for listening!

Isn’t it great to be alive? This week, I have two distinctive, but equally profound, pearls of wisdom for you. One is from India, and the other from Peckham. Where you take your positive inspiration from does not really matter, only that you take some, and use it.

Have you ever heard the story of ‘The Elephant and The Twig’? In India they train obedience in young elephants (to stop them from escaping) by tying them to a huge immovable object, like a tree, when they are still very young. The tree is so large that no matter how hard the baby elephant pulls and tugs it cannot break free. This develops what is known as ‘learned helplessness’ in the creature. After trying so hard and for so long to break the hold, only to be thwarted time and again, it eventually believes that, no matter what it does, it cannot escape. Ultimately, as a fully-grown adult weighing several tons, they can tie the elephant to a twig and it won’t escape(!) -  in fact it won’t even try.

Do you ever feel like this? That you are tied to an immovable object and can’t break free? That you couldn’t possibly give that presentation at work; that you can’t speak up for yourself; that you could never sing in public (no matter how much you love to sing in the house); that you would never be able to go it alone in business; that because school did not suit you, you must be thick; or that you have to remain stuck in a social and lifestyle rut, as there is no other alternative? This is the kind of self-defeatist nonsense that we sometimes allow to destroy our lives. Then we beat ourselves up for being so weak. Worse still, we can teach our children to be the same. One more thing to bully ourselves over.

The stark fact is that these beliefs are the twigs by which we have allowed ourselves to be held back . We allow silly little things to appear like big scary things – all the better to frighten ourselves with. We are not being held back by a rock or a big tree – we just think we are. Each and any of them can be tackled, easily, once you decide to take action - start today! Make a list of all the things you wish you could do, and why you can’t do them. Then you can see clearly where to start. Often, even making the list will make some of them look so ridiculous that you will just do them. When you have your list you know where to start.

Running From Rodney

I was discussing with a Client recently how we are so used to running from our fears. How it is only when you turn to face them that we discover these fears are like most bullies – not very strong when you stand up to them. I was reminded of a quote from James Connolly “The Great only appear great because we are on our knees; Let Us Rise!” We are often puzzled, after we decide to face down our fears, as to what exactly we were so afraid of in the first place.

Anyways, we discussed this for a while, then yer man started laughing. I asked him what was so funny and he replied “You know that time on ‘Only Fools & Horses’ when Rodney was chasing the robber? He chases him for ages, then you see the robber stop and think ‘Why am I running from this skinny eejit?’ Next of all, you see the two of them running again… but this time it’s Rodney being chased by the robber! Well that’s all I can see now when I think of (his issue)”. Basically, once he saw his fear as Rodney he was unable to take it seriously - ever again! Now for anyone who has seen this moment of comedy genius, it is burned forever in their mind. I would suggest that if you can see your fears as Rodney, then they will seem a lot less powerful. In fact they will seem ridiculous.

So, are you being held back by a twig? Are you still running from Rodney? Would you like to be free instead? Well the only person who can decide to change is you. The only one who can demand your freedom is you. I don’t mean to sound smug here. I understand that every fear we feel can seem overwhelming. I know that, for the victim, and their loved ones, they feel very real, very powerful – but they are only paper tigers, once you are prepared to face them. If you are stuck, I know someone who can help you with that. But the choice remains yours. Thank You for listening.

Isn’t it great to be alive? Life is all about choices. Some are easy some are difficult. We do not get to choose how we die, or when. We can only choose how we live now. Sometimes we allow ourselves to be held back, by our past painful experiences. A wise man once wrote … “Holding on to bitterness, is like taking poison yourself – and hoping your enemy will die from it”. How right he was. Of course anger, resentment and outrage, stubbornness and bitterness, can sometimes be the only things you can cling to - to get you through a particularly tough time. But why do so many of us find it so hard to let go of it, when it has clearly stopped being of any use, and is holding us back?

I always thought of forgiving people as 'letting them off'. There was no way I was letting anybody who did ME wrong, off. So, like many people do, I clung to the bitterness, and wore it as a badge of honour. Indeed this was very handy at times (in the circles in which I moved) because it sent the subconscious message (‘Don't mess with me!’) loud and clear. Working on the Buildings and drinking in the pubs I frequented, this was sometimes a necessary state of mind. If the jackals smelt weakness off you – you could be in trouble.

But I digress. I finally realised (or was told, to be honest) that forgiveness is not something you do for your enemies, or your nemesis - it's something you do for yourself, for you. You don't have to let them off. THERE IS NO LET-OFF! Everybody pays, ultimately, for what they do - whether you believe in the Afterlife, in Karmic payback, or just 'what goes around comes around'. You ‘forgive’ to let go of all the baggage you would otherwise have to drag around with you. You forgive for you. Why carry these demons around with you, when you can give them back to the person they belong to; and let them eat away at them instead?

“Hanging onto resentment is like letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head”. Ann Landers. And besides, telling your enemies ‘I forgive you’ drives them nuts! It’s like a game of tag. Every time you forgive someone, you are wrapping up all your bitterness and handing it back to them. Want this bad feeling? There you go. I don’t need it anymore. Every minute you spend with bitterness inside you – you are handing more power, over your life, to the person who did you wrong. You are giving them the power over whether you have a good or a bad day (or life). How plain stupid is that?

When the penny finally dropped for me, my reaction was "why the hell did no-one explain it like that before?" But basically, everything has changed for me since that realisation. The time and energy I used to waste on hate, now fuels me towards positive things. It takes a while to trust yourself enough to let go, but when you do… life is full of joy… full of possibilities… full of choices. In many ways resentment is used as a crutch - but why walk on crutches when there is nothing wrong with your legs? Shed some of the load and you can feel the lightness in every step.

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward”. Anon. And you might ask yourself… just what will you do with all the energy you once spent on bitterness and spite? What great things could you plan, now you don’t waste your time plotting the downfall of your enemies?

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Lao Tzu. If you have spent your life using your anger/frustration as either a motivation or a justification for your behaviour, then letting go of that is a scary thing, particularly when you have no replacement strategy in place. Ironically, you can only develop the replacement, as you let go of the resentment. For example, I am due to 'forgive' Maggie Thatcher any decade now!

But seriously, holding on to bitterness causes you untold physical and psychological damage. It poisons your relationships, and your outlook on life. For sure, being an angry young man holds some attractions. However there is a tipping point where you turn into a crabbit, bitter old *******. Is there anything more pitiful than a person who is so caught up in the past; that they cannot enjoy the present; or look forward to the future?

If this sounds like you…don’t just sit there, do something about it. Talk to somebody. See a counselor or a therapist (I can recommend a good one); a doctor, a priest or a minister. Just don’t marinade and stew in your own angst and bitterness any more. It hurts and is bad for you. Thank you for listening.

Isn’t it great to be alive? Translating middle class, American jargon into plain language is a challenge. Taking a concept like ‘Love Languages’ and explaining it in a way fit for a Building site canteen is more of one. Often the fluffy language used by professionals has ordinary people, especially us fellas, cringing with embarrassment, and heading for the door. But sometimes, the message is so important, that it is well worth trying. Besides, why should posh people get all the good stuff?

We are all unique and experience the world in different ways. We need to make sure we are communicating in a way that the other person understands it. The same is true when it comes to love. Are you demonstrating your love for your partner in a way that they will hear and understand it? After over 30 years of experience an American relationship counselor, Gary Chapman, identified 5 ways that we give/receive love.

Here’s the thing - we tend to give love in the way we prefer to receive it – which may not be the same way as our partner. So all your best efforts may be in vain and they may be feeling rather unloved. Well now you can not only understand your preferred way, but your partners as well and truly enhance your relationship.

The 5 love languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation. These are anything from compliments, encouragement, affirmation and the absence of criticism or judgment. Does criticism crush or enrage you? Do you feel especially loved when someone expresses their gratitude for you?

2. Quality Time. This is time focused on each other, with no distractions. It includes sharing your thoughts and feelings. Or it could be quality activities, which could be anything your partner wants to do together, and you are willing to do as a act of love. So, if se wants to do something that you hate… Do it. Not because you are ‘giving in’. But because you can – as a sign of love. Do you feel especially loved when someone gives you their undivided attention?

4. Gifts. These could be bought, made or found. They don’t have to cost a lot of money. Do you feel especially loved when someone gives you a gift or another tangible expression of their love?

5. Acts of Service. Doing something that is important to your partner – not what you would like to do for them. Do you feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help you or helps with the housework?

6. Physical Touch. This could be anything from a glancing touch as you go past, a cuddle, a hug or a massage. Most men think this is them as it includes the bold thing - but actually for men sex is more of a physical desire not emotional. The question is, behind closed doors, do you hold hands/cuddle your partner. Do you feel especially loved when someone expresses their love through physical contact? If you do, your love language is ‘physical touch’.

Theory in Action
So what has this to do with you? What practical difference can it make? Well, let’s look at it in action. I had a mate (I’ll call him Alan). His marriage was collapsing around his ears, and he was in the pub, crying into his pint. He explained that his life was miserable because, no matter what he did, ‘the woman’ was never satisfied. He was working all hours to bring home the bacon. She was well able to spend, but never satisfied. He felt completely unloved and unappreciated. When I spoke to his wife, she told me he was ‘Never there for me or the kids. It’s all work, work work. He just doesn’t care about me’. She felt unappreciated and unloved. This was going downhill fast.

It was clear to me that Alan’s Love Language was ‘acts of service’, with abig splash of ‘Gifts’. If anyone made a ‘sacrifice’ for him, like the one he was making by working long hours, he would be delighted. Bringing home a big wage packet, and being able to buy nice things, was his ‘gift’ to his family. Working long (and hard) hours, for him, was an act of love. He was doing it for his family. Unfortunately, for his wife it meant something entirely different. It meant he didn’t want to be around her. It was a rejection. Plain, simple and obvious.

Her LL was ‘Quality Time’. She measured love in the amount of time Alan spent with her (or the kids). Not necessarily doing much, just being there. Every missed school nativity play was (to Alan) a minor inconvenience. To her, it was ‘proof’ that he didn’t love her, or the kids. He ‘obviously’ loved his mates in the pub more. Alan expected words of approval and gratitude from his wife for his act of service and gift. Without them, he felt rejected. She felt like telling him exactly what he could do with his expensive presents. Each ‘gift’ was guilt money – a bribe, one more rejection. You don’t have to be a genius to work out that Alan and his wife needed a serious chat with somebody who spoke both languages, and could translate.

Communicating love to your partner in their preferred love language can transform your relationship as they will feel emotionally loved and wanted. At the very least, you will have a better understanding of what makes them tick. They will automatically respond, and reflect that love back to you. Give it a go. See if you can identify your partners primary love language. A warning for some men… This will involve having a conversation with your partner – that means you have to talk to her… about feeling and emotions! But don’t panic. Once you have had the conversation there are lots of practical things to do, instead of all that scary talking. Do something to express your love to them in their Love Language – not yours - every day for 2 weeks. Watch the transformation unfold.

You can dismiss this as a load of old nonsense if you choose. If you do, the high stool awaits… but this stuff might just change your life! Thank you for listening.

Isn’t it great to be alive? There are two main causes of headaches – dehydration and stress or tension. The most obvious occasion when we suffer dehydration is with a Hangover, but it can just as easily occur on a hot day, or working/living in a central heated room. Stress often causes muscular tension, which leads to headache. Bright light, or lack of fresh air, are also major contributors.

Most tablets work either by blocking the pain or relaxing the inflamed muscles. They are also not so good for your kidneys. But sure, what can you do? You have to get on with things, headache or no.

What if I told you I had a completely natural cure for 90% of headaches on 90% of people? One that involves no pills, no potions, and absolutely no laying on of hands? One that can make all the symptoms disappear completely in three minutes flat? Imagine no more pain; no more darkened room; no more being grumpy with the kids or your colleagues; no more frustration at not being able to do what you have to do.

It also works on stomach pain and Period pains , and I have seen it used successfully on travel sickness on kids and adults. It can also give short-term relief to chronic conditions such as arthritis. The only limits would appear to be your imagination. Not only is it really effective, it is really simple too - and requires almost no training. Kids can do it! All you have to be able to do is read a wee guide script – or have someone else read it to you, til you can memorise it.

You’d probably think I was mad, or at least trying to trick, or scare, you into buying some new-age nonsense, or old-fashioned snake-oil. Well, what if I told you that I will give it to you for FREE, gratis, and for nothing? Not only can you have it for free, but you may feel free to pass it on to everybody you know. In fact the more people you pass it on to the better. In time, you will be able to do this technique on yourself. Until then, you just need to close your eyes… relax… and let someone else talk (read) you through the step by step guide.

It is based on sound neuro-scientific research, but who really cares WHY it works – as long as it does work! It sounds a bit mad, but just go with it. It works – just try it! I have used this technique many, many times. I have used it on children as young as five who were ill and distressed, and on grumpy old builders of 65 – who were ‘dying’ of a hangover and depressed. Innocent kids to hardened drinkers. Men or women, rich or poor.

How cool will you look when you can take your child’s pain away like magic! And for young ones there’s nothing to stop you throwing in a little bit of ‘abracadabra’ – their wee faces full of astonishment and love. There is nothing to beat the combination of the feeling peace and calm; and that look of love, and gratitude, when you take away a child’s pain. Or indeed, how empowering will it be for your kids, when they can do the cure on you? They will almost be wishing headaches on them selves – and you – so they can try it out.

Unfortunately I don’t have enough space here, so you’ll have to do a wee bit for yourself. All you have to do is go to my website… www.chilo.org – then click on ‘My Blog’; then ‘Headache Cure’; then download. If you don’t have Internet access then I’m sure you know someone who has. If you can’t get it from the Net – ask for a copy at the Examiner office. Once you have it, feel free to photo copy it and pass it on to as many people as you like.

I would like to make it clear that while this ‘Cure’ will work on most headaches, it is not intended as a cure-all. If you have regular headaches, consult your Doctor, as there may well be an underlying health issue.

I don’t actually know who developed this cure. Nor do I care. I learnt it as part of my hypnotherapy training. I have full permission from the man that showed me to pass it on, and you most certainly have mine to do the same. So why not give it a try the next time someone in your family has a headache? What have you to lose, except pain? Of course some people just prefer to wallow in their pain, and self pity; but I know someone who can help them with that! Thank you for listening.

Unfortunately, due to a wee technical hitch, I am unable at present to upload the pdf file with the headache cure. 

So basically, for now, just copy and paste the section below into a Word document or similar. Alternatively, e-mail me and I can forward it as either a word.doc or pdf

Submodality Headache Cure

Some notes …

·          This works on 90% of people 90% of the time. However, I had done this, successfully, on at least 50 people before it ever worked on me.

·          It seems a bit strange at first, but just go with it… and use your imagination. Believe you me – when it works your friends and family will think you are a genius.

·          As with most things in life, it comes easier and more natural with time – practice makes perfect. You will soon be doing it without the script.

·          If someone says they can’t visualize shapes and colours – just ask them can they just get a feel or sense that they are there… that’s enough

·          It really doesn’t matter what shapes or colours people choose – although it will probably help if you don’t declare their choices hilarious or weird

·          If you are using this to help somebody with period pain; travel-sickness; food/drink/cigarette cravings; withdrawal; just adapt the script to suit – it’s not rocket science… it’s just neuro-science

Isn’t it great to be alive? Ever since I started my training, I have been acutely aware of something I feel is significant. At every turn, as each new technique was introduced and practiced, I thought ‘I know someone who could do with a bit of this’. I quickly came to realise that a whole host of issues, which I would never have connected with Hypnotherapy, could indeed be tackled quickly and effectively with hypnosis, NLP and/or simple Life-Coaching techniques. These include anger/rage; grief; depression; social confidence; public speaking; phobias; or just generally feeling ‘stuck’ and not knowing how to get your life back on track. One of the great challenges is to get this message across to decent ordinary people (who maybe think ‘therapy’ is only for ‘posh’ people), without sounding patronising or preachy. That’s why I started writing this column, and I am grateful for all the comments and feedback I have had, which basically tells me I am on the right track.

Most people’s experience of ‘hypnotism’ is limited to seeing a comedy Stageshow. Now these can be great craic - watching (hand-picked) people being ‘made’ to dance like a chicken, or eat a raw onion like an apple. Very entertaining, but hardly the kind of thing to inspire people to look to hypnotherapy for a solution to their everyday problems. So perhaps it is time to look at a couple of these urban myths and misconceptions. What can you expect if you go to see a hypnotherapist?

Guaranteed Results! 95% success rates!

First, some advice. Stay well away from people who make claims like this. Neither they, nor you, can prove or disprove it. Who determines what ‘success’ is? Them or you? It’s nonsense plain and simple. Any anyway, maybe what they really mean is that they are really successful at parting vulnerable people from their hard-earned cash!

Look into my eyes…

Next is the sometimes thorny subject of Trance. You can forget any notion of docile, sleeping ‘subjects’ being manipulated by the ‘hypnotist. Most people will never enter a somnambulistic (deep) trance. Some people find the notion of surrendering control comforting. Most of us, and most certainly including me, would run a mile at the thought of it. This is the stuff of the comedy Stageshow.  Even if you could send everybody to sleep, what would be the point? If somebody comes to see you because they have a problem over which they have no control… how do you give them back their control, if the first thing you do is take control away from them. More nonsense. But nonsense that is powerful enough to put some people off.

Again, some clarity is required. Have you ever been driving and thought ‘Oops. I dunno where I was for the last while?” Have you ever day-dreamed and had somebody say ‘hey, are you listening to me?’ Well, that’s being ‘in a trance’. That’s the level you need to be at to achieve positive change. It involves closing your eyes and relaxing a bit. Many clients I see arrive with a fear of not being ‘in control’. Once I’ve explained that they will be absolutely in control, and that any ‘secrets’ they have will stay exactly that – their secrets – they can relax.

No Magic Wand

Let’s be clear. I don’t have a magic wand. I cannot ‘make’ anybody do what they don’t want to do. Simple as that. Hypnotherapy is a two-way process. If you want to throw your money at some Charlatan clown who claims he has magical powers; and can instantly ‘fix’ you by reading a script he downloaded from the Internet; help yourself! There are certainly plenty of them out there. If however, you are prepared to enter whole-heartedly into this two-way process then, together, we can get some great results, quickly. The fact is that people already have everything they need to solve their issue, they are just having trouble seeing it. My job is to act as a kind of tour guide, to help them release, and to realise, their own potential. I’m good at what I do because I understand my role. I don’t have delusions about ‘magical’ powers. What I do have is a training, a skill-set and an array of tools and techniques which is second to none. How do I know? Because I made it my business to train with the best, not the easiest.

The Internet is full of people offering to bestow some kind of dodgy ‘qualification’ on anybody willing to part with their money. They ask no questions, just count the cash and send out your worthless certificates. Then there are those who actually believe in what they do, and who have a vision worth sharing. I spent a lot of time, and money, training with the internationally acclaimed Quest Institute (www.questinstitute.co.uk). I chose to train with them for two main reasons. Firstly, for Quest ethics, honesty, and respect and honour for your clients were principles, not buzz words. And secondly, because they said it would not be easy. To graduate you would have to work hard. To apply yourself like you’ve maybe never done before. The Hypnotherapy Practitioners Diploma (HPD) I submitted ran to 17,000 words.

It was tough, and challenging; and I loved every minute of it. Now, for a living, I help people solve problems that have held them back for years, and to fulfil their potential.  Not a week goes by without a Client telling me I have helped to change their life. Often, they are tearful when they say it. Often, I am as well. And I love that too. Thank you for listening.

Isn’t it great to be alive? I have just come back from Coventry, where I was born and raised. I went because it was my uncle Josey’s 70^th birthday. He left Mayo fifty years ago but, fair play to him, you’d never know that to listen to him. His accent remains the same, and the simple country philosophy and wisdom that he brought from the West of Ireland has served him well in the big city.

Now he never married and likes his pint, but God help the man who would organise a Party for him or make any kind of fuss. I just said we would do whatever he fancied. So it was that on Wednesday, whilst all the rest of the family, and the world, went to work, myself and himself did a tour of all his old haunts. As you would expect, his old drinking comrades are much thinner on the ground these days. Very few of them have survived in such rude health as Joe. He refuses to be bullied by life or circumstance.

What I found deeply disturbing was the amount of boys that I grew up with who are absolutely banjaxed with the drink. I am 45 years of age, but some of these fellas look 65 or older. Many of them were great grafters and fine tradesmen in their day. Robbed of the work that defined them by the recession, and by their fondness for the gargle, the decline in some of them has been rapid.  Indeed it was hard to believe I spent my youth in awe and admiration of some of these lads. So, between the old boys who came over in the 60’s, and were always going home, but never quite made it; and their sons who went to the same Zoo (sorry, school) as me, I saw a lot of hurt that day. But we had great craic as well, as the pints, the stories and the jibes flowed freely.

Later on I bumped into a few boys who had ‘done well for themselves’. This they measured in how many houses they owned, what kind of car they drove etc. Naturally, they were looking down their noses at the ‘wasters’ (as they saw them) in the corner. I have to say the contempt and hostility was mutual between the two groups. So much so, that I felt uncomfortable being in both companies.

Then it hit me. The only questions I had been asked all day by the drinkers was ‘How you doin’?... how’s the missus and the kids?... Good to see ya… Great to hear you are all happy and well… d’you remember the time…?  Even when I told them what I now did for a living, I mostly got ‘Fair play to ya. It must be great to be helping people for a living. Of course there was some unmerciful mickey-taking as well, but all in good craic.

It was only when the ‘success stories’ and blowers came in that the questions changed. Then it was all about what have you got? How big is your house… is it detached… I’ve got this… I’ve got that… I’ve got this many fellas working for me… look at the state of your man… heard his missus left him… can’t say I blame her… blah blah blah. So I picked up my pint and went back to the hardened drinkers, young and old, who had shown me nothing but kindness, dignity, and respect (love even), all day. Because in their company, despite each of them fighting their own demons, there was a dignified, down to earth honesty and respect for their fellow man. They did not judge others.

I know, and they know, that in the end they will not find what they are looking for at the bottom of a pint glass (God knows they have looked in thousands).

I also know that the ‘Blowers’ are equally lost. They are as likely to find contentment and fulfilment in the ‘things’ and the bling they covet so much, as the drinkers are to find lasting peace in a pint glass. The difference is that …at least the drinkers KNOW they are in pain. The empty vessels standing in judgement are simply deluding themselves.

I would hate anyone to think of these few thoughts as an attack on people who have lots of money. Far from it. We all know many people who have money who are still humble, loving, generous people. Acquiring money never changed their outlook on life and their fellow man. I also know plenty who only have to have a fiver more than the next man before they start to look down their nose and judge. So this is not even about money, it’s about wealth – and they are often two very different things. It’s about not losing our humanity in a fast-paced world. It’s about community. It’s about family. It’s about love and respect. And most of all it’s about loving yourself, and your fellow men, women and children. Thank you for listening. modified

Many of you will have seen the film ‘Pay It Forward’ where a child’s random act of kindness sets off a chain reaction of such acts, that causes massive positive change, and becomes a nationwide sensation. Kids love it for it’s simple feel-good message; the ladies love it as a full-on, jumbo box of tissues, chick-flick; and fellas grudgingly shrug ‘It was alright’, whilst thankful that nobody noticed the bit near the end when they got misty-eyed – probably because of some ‘grit’ in their eye, or something like that.

Now the Hollywood version of an idea can be very handy for spreading the idea around. After all millions of people saw, and may have been inspired by that film. However, there is a downside. Many people will dismiss the concept as something that happens in the Movies, but is nothing like real life. This would be a mistake. The Science behind it is pretty overwhelming, and this stuff should not be lightly dismissed.

Positive Psychologists have found that one of the most effective strategies to lift people from depression is for them to help others. As social beings we are hardwired to get a reward of feel-good hormones in return for a positive act towards others. It’s easy to forget this in the day-to-day chaos of life, but if you set yourself the goal of performing an act of random kindness for the benefit of a stranger, it will leave you feeling good for hours. And if this can lift people from the depths of depression, how good could it make someone like you, who is already happy, feel?

Of course, there are many of us who will ask “Why should I do something for nothing? Or why should I help someone who has never helped me? or someone I don’t even know?” Well, to put it plainly, you are not doing it for them, you are doing it for you! Yes the person who receives your kindness may pass it on to the next person they meet, and set off the chain. They may just grunt, and carry on being miserable. It doesn’t matter. You have done your bit, and will get your reward. You will still get your rush of ‘feel-good’.

If you are one of those people who take your greatest pleasures from the misfortune of others, and are regarded as a crabbit, grumpy, old so and so, you may find this whole experience dizzying. Don’t panic! This strange feeling pounding through your bloodstream is called feeling good. You may even find people smiling at you, and being nice to you. You will learn to love it, and (horror of horrors) may even learn to love yourself because of it.

For those who may prefer to wallow in self-pity and misery, don’t worry! These sensations are temporary. They need topped up regularly to have any long-lasting life-changing effect. If you find feeling good makes you feel bad, you can just go back to being miserable – most people will hardly notice. On the other hand, if you find that feeling good, and doing good, makes you feel alive, useful, appreciated, wanted, fulfilled and just plain good about yourself and your life… the only limit to exactly HOW good you can feel is the limits of your imagination. You can rest assured that if you are suddenly happy and positive, EVERYBODY will notice – and react positively to you. As always, it’s your choice.

Do you remember that old postcard which showed a man shouting at his wife… she then gives out to the kids… the kids then kick and shout at the dog… who carries his lead to his ‘master’… and barks and yelps til the man (who started it all) has to get up and take him for a walk. A perfect circle of negative behaviour and aggression.

Well it’s just as easy to set off a positive chain reaction. It doesn’t need to be a stranger either. It can just be someone like a workmate or neighbour that you don’t usually make time for. Carrying someone’s shopping out to the car for them; picking up something somebody has dropped, and giving it back to them with a smile; paying for a strangers cup of tea in a Café; big or small, it doesn’t matter.

Who knows what your one simple act of kindness might set off. Who knows where it could end up as it ripples out. Because we never know which act will be the one that sets off the domino effect, which one will end up going all around the world in a day. It could be your next act of kindness that ends up changing somebody’s life forever. Maybe it will be yours. Why not give it a go today? I defy you to do it and not feel good. Go ahead… make someone’s day.

Isn’t it great to be alive? This week I want to tackle a major problem for many people, especially for men. It concerns an issue that constantly causes minor embarrassment when it should bring us joy.

There is an old Irish expression that goes “Nior bhris focal maith fiacall riamh”. This translates as “A kind word never broke anyone’s mouth”. What they left out is that a few kind words can turn many’s the grown man, or woman, into a blushing, gurning, wriggling little child – who instead of looking us in the eye is now looking at, and talking to, their boots. Very simply, we all need to learn how to take compliments. Compliments are free. They can bring us a great feeling of contentment, happiness and well-being.

So why is it that so many of us have the innate ability to listen to a room-full of compliments and hear none of them. Each kind word is skillfully diverted, deflected and avoided – whether by some self-deprecating remark, a blush, or just a shrug of the shoulders. Whatever means we have to use, our defences are pretty impregnable.

Perceived criticisms, slights or insults on the other hand, slice straight through the defences (the same defences that always prove so effective against compliments) and skewer us straight in the heart. So why is it that many of us would are more comfortable taking insults than kind words?

As we grow up we are surrounded by warnings about getting ideas above our station. ‘Self praise is no approval’, ‘Look at yer man – he thinks he’s something special’, ‘Jeez yer wan loves herself’. It’s almost as if we are training ourselves and our loved ones to regard compliments as the enemy. In reality compliments can be our friends and allies, but only if we learn to accept them .

So here’s the thing. For the next week, every time someone offers kind words or a compliment STOP! NOTICE! ACKNOWLEDGE! That means stopping yourself from your normal response of ‘Ah, now. Sure it’s nothing…’ or ‘What are you after, you old cod…’ or some other jokey comment. Just stop, look them in the eye and say ‘Thanks’. As funny as it sounds, you may find that you can’t do this at first. You’ll find yourself doing what you usually do, and the person will be gone before you notice you have just deflected another compliment away. But once you get into the swing of it; you take the compliment and feel good; the other person hears you express gratitude for their kind words and they feel good; I think this is what they call a Win/Win situation.

With practice it gets easier, and quickly becomes natural. So you thank the person for their kind words – and then put them into your back pocket, or Compliment Bank, for later. Soon you will have a pocket full of them. These can then be ‘cashed in’ whenever you are having a bad day, are just not feeling the best, or you are struggling to get something done. You can use compliments like fuel, or a can of Red Bull, to ‘give you wings’, whenever you need them.

The fact is that deep down we all like compliments. We all like to be liked. Somewhere along the life’s journey many of us have lost sight of this.

So thank you very much. I appreciate each and every one of you taking the time to read this. You have made my day.

If a convicted serial killer moved in next door – would you choose to invite them round every day, feed them, ask them to stay over or even move in? Of course not! But many of us, every single day, live with the biggest serial killer the modern world has known – STRESS. We have invited it in and given it a home, and it will kill us if we let it.

From anxiety, depression, IBS, stomach ulcers, strokes, heart attacks, to cancers – stress is often lurking about. Doctors estimate that as many as 80% of patients have psychosomatic symptoms. This means that 8 out of ten people attending the doctors have a problem that is more psychological not medical

Take IBS for example. The official meaning is Irritable Bowel Syndrome, although I prefer to call it ‘Internal Ball of Stress’. IBS is the label doctors give to anything to do with your stomach, or gut, when they haven’t a baldy notion what to do. And why would they? GP’s are experts in medicine, they are physicians not magicians. They naturally tend towards medical solutions. If your problem is mostly in your head – that is where you need to understand it and to sort it out. Drugs may well help with the symptoms of stress. To make a real change you need to take responsibility for and ownership of your stress.

Fight or Flight…

Most people are aware of the concept of ‘fight or flight’. This is when the brain dumps a load of chemicals (chiefly adrenaline) into the bloodstream in a situation where immediate action, strength and speed are required to save us from a perceived danger. This adrenal rush can either give you superhuman powers or simply paralyse you, depending on how you handle it.

The stress response is one step down from ‘fight or flight’. The same caustic cocktail of chemicals is released, but in a smaller dose. This is done to alert you to a threat, and to protect you, and your body, from harm.  It is perfectly natural. The problems arise because modern lifestyles give us lots of stressful situations, but very few releases. So your blood and your gut are full of this caustic cocktail and it gnaws away at your insides. Without release it will make you contrary. It will make you ill. Eventually, it will make you dead.

Two things are certain. One, you will have stress in your life, and in your self. Two, this stress has to find an outlet – or it will seriously damage you. Your mind and your body knows this. When the pressure builds your mind seeks release wherever it sees an opportunity. If you try to suppress it, the pressure just builds and builds til the gasket blows. Often this leads to us ‘losing the head’ over seemingly minor things like someone taking our parking space; the child spilling juice; someone jumping the queue etc.

Many people suffering badly will often be of the opinion that ‘It’s not me, it’s the rest of the world’. This form of delusion can be dangerous. But stress is a sneaky, insidious and cunning foe. It clouds your judgment, tricks you, fools you, blinds you. Often, it’s only when you look back, that we can grasp how stressed we must have been to act in a particular way.

But let’s be clear. While some of us may delight in looking down our noses at people who lose the rag over small stuff, at least they have some form of release. Stress is especially dangerous to those who internalize it – who have no release. Remember, it’s better to blow a fuse than burn out altogether.

Safety Valves

It is absolutely vital that we all find a way to relieve this pressure. Some do it  energetically through sport, whether playing or watching; others gently, by walking, reading or fishing; some people meditate, some pray; It doesn’t matter which you choose… but take action… today!

Some people can only get relief through drink, or drugs (whether prescription and recreational). An occasional blowout can do us the world of good. But this can also be a dangerous route, and can easily lead to dependency… so mind yourself.

I see people suffering because of stress all the time. Often, all they need is a release (so they can start again with a level playing field); an understanding of how it works; and some strategies to stop it building up again. None of it is rocket science – but stress is definitely rocket fuel!

So… do you live with a serial killer? And if you do… what are you gonna do about it? 

Isn’t it great to be alive! First of all this week, I would like to clear up a couple of things. Firstly, no, I did not write the poem in last week’s column. ‘The Dash’ was written by an American lady named Linda Ellis. If you would like to read more about her, and how she came to write it, look on my website. Click on My Blog, then ‘The Dash’.

Positive Psychology

And secondly, I would like to set the record straight for some of life’s ‘hurlers on the ditch’.

My good friend John, explained his approach to spreading the happiness that is positive psychology thus…. “Every time I walk away from someone they are smiling. Whether that is because I have done or said something to make them smile, or they are just glad to see me go, doesn't matter. What matters is… that it was me that made the difference.”

This came to mind recently when I was being slagged off for writing this column. Most of what was said would not be printable in a family newspaper, but I have to say I was not in the least bit offended. I just explained that my intention was to make people happy. If heading straight for my piece, to see what ‘That ----ing eejit is slobbering about this week’, and then giving out is what makes some people happy, well that’s just fine with me.

In fact, I’m delighted because it means I know people are reading what I write, and that the words are making them think. You see, it really doesn’t matter to me whether people are laughing with me, or at me - as long as they have a smile on their face, that’ll do for me!

The other really great thing of course about anyone giving out in public about what I write – and what a complete (insert expletive) I am – is that it makes more people, who were not even aware of the column, curious enough to look it up. They say there’s no such thing as bad publicity, so I’d like to say “go raibh míle, mile maith agaibh, agus arís le do thoil!”

Kind words

Having said all that, I have to say that I have been pleasantly surprised, and greatly encouraged, by the amount of people (including complete strangers) who have stopped me and offered kind words. Those kind words do make a difference, and are much appreciated.

I have been particularly moved by a few people who have told me that something I wrote made them stop, think… and actually change the way they were acting or thinking. The thought that I have contributed to making an occasional daddy decide to spend more time with his kids; or stopped a mammy stressing over little things,; and enjoying the precious gifts of life is deeply gratifying.

So thank you very much, for both the inspiring compliments (which I have taken to heart) and the occasional abuse (which I have taken as a back-handed compliment).

And the funny thing is that sometimes the kind words, and the harsh words, can come from the same mouth! Which brings me nicely onto this week’s tale…

TWO WOLVES

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

One wolf is Fear: It is anger, envy, jealousy, begrudgery, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false-pride, superiority and ego.

The other is Love: It is joy, peace, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’

The grandson thought for a while and then asked his grandfather ‘Which wolf wins?’  The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed, my son, the one you feed’.

So… which wolf do you choose to feed today?

It’s All About The Dash… Not The Cash!

Isn’t it great to be alive! Modern living however, is fast-paced and stressful. So many of us live our lives pedal to the metal, nose to the grindstone, that we never seem to find the time to reflect.

Working all hours, and throwing money at the kids – when they are crying out for a bit of love and attention. Chasing the big bucks, and blind to the needs of our loved ones. It used to matter where you got your money from. Now all that matters is if you have it. When we did we start judging people on what yoke they drive, what labels they wear, or the size of their sun-room? A whole generation who know the price of everything, and the value of nothing.

But when all is said and done; how many people have ‘wish I’d spent more time at the office’ inscribed on their tombstone? How many of us would say “I wish I could have built just one more course of blocks”.  Who would be happy with “She might have worked herself to death – but look at the designer labels she was wearing when she dropped”.

We are all spinning so many plates, juggling so many balls, that our heads are spinning too. Many of the things we obsess about, are really not important at all, in the great scheme of things. But stress is a sneaky, as well as a deadly, foe. It makes us lose sight of what is truly important, what we really need.

Wakes and funerals seems to be the only times we pause, reflect and actually ask the important questions. Then, head down, back into the race… until the next wake. One day the wake will be yours. Will you be happy looking down?

We all have a simple choice. Today, right now, we can ask ourselves “What’s it all about, what really matters? Or we can put it off. And keep it on the long finger… until one night… drink in hand… our friends… and our enemies… stand over our coffin… and ask it for us. You choose.

I don’t really go much for poems – except maybe rude ones - but these 240 words could literally change your life…

The Dash

I read of a man who rose to speak, at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on her tombstone… from the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth, and spoke of the following date with tears.

But, he said, what mattered most of all, was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time, that she spent alive on Earth.

And now only those who loved her, know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own… the cars… the house… the cash.

What matters is how we live and love; and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard; Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left, that can still be re-arranged.

If we could just slow down enough, to consider what’s true and real.

And always try to understand, the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more.

And love the people in our lives… like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile.

Remembering that this special dash, may only last a while.

So when your Eulogy is being read… with your life’s actions to rehash

Would you be proud of the things they say… as they talk about your dash?

 This poem was written by a lady from the USA called Linda Ellis... below is her story of how it came to be...

The story behind The Dash,
by Linda Ellis

While it still amazes me, a simple poem I wrote one afternoon forever changed my life. It all began when I faxed a copy of this poem to a syndicated radio show in Atlanta. Soon after receiving it, the host of this popular show read it on the air. Little did I know how much my life would change from that day forward. Titled The Dash, these 36 lines have touched millions of lives and have literally taken on a life of their own by traveling all over the world. I call it uncomplicated poetry in a complicated world.

People are always asking me what, in particular, inspired me to write this poem. I believe it was a combination of things in my life at the time. It was during a period when I was working for the top executives of a very large and successful corporation. It was a strict company with a tense working environment.

I began to watch how the priorities in many lives there had become misaligned. It seemed to me that the bosses were worrying far too much about that which was inconsequential in the scope of life.

Also, resonating in the back of my mind were the words from a letter which had been previously routed around the office. It had been written by the wife of an employee who was aware that she was dying. I was so moved by that letter that I saved a copy of it and continue to live by her words:

Regrets? I have a few. Too much worrying. I worried about finding the right husband and having children, being on time, being late and so on. It didn't matter. It all works out and it would have worked out without the worries and the tears.

If I would have only known then what I know now. But, I did and so do you. We're all going to die. Stop worrying and start loving and living.

Her words stuck with me. Her letter made me stop and think. This is it. This is all we get.

I remember where I was when I first truly realized the significance of the piece that I had written. I was on a business trip in Minnesota, alone in a hotel room. I received an emotional email thanking me for sharing the message of the Dash from a student who had recently heard it as part of a memorial gathering for the Columbine High School students. I sat on the bed and cried.

Several years later, I found myself engulfed in the thoughts and feelings created by my own words as I listened to them read aloud, for what seemed like the very first time, at the funeral of my father...my best friend.

From being performed in an elementary school play somewhere in the heartland of America to being part of a State Supreme Court Justice's speech, from being printed in best-selling novels to high school yearbooks, The Dash has truly affected millions. I may not be able to change the world with these words, but I have certainly been able to influence a portion of it! The poem's words have convinced mothers to spend more time with their children, fathers to spend more time at home, and reunited long-lost loved ones.

The words have changed attitudes and changed the direction of lives. They have, in their own way, made a difference. I know writing The Dash has changed my life. I hope reading it, in some way, may change yours.

Wedding Nerves – Who Needs ’Em?

Isn’t it great to be alive?

There are two very simple rules to organizing any event.

                                                          Rule 1; don’t sweat the small stuff.

                                                          Rule 2; IT’S ALL SMALL STUFF!

Weddings can cost many thousands of pounds and be years in the planning. But the biggest day of your life can often be ruined by nerves and stress. Anyone who has been through it will tell you it is one of the most stressful experiences of your life. After all we only intend to do it the once, so the pressure to get it right can be overwhelming.  There are two main sets of victims. The ‘happy’ couple themselves, and those who have to speak on the day.

The Bride’s Father – Your little girl’s big day. She’s been waiting all her life for this moment. You’ve been working for years for it. Nothing is left to chance. Everything is carefully planned. There’s just one problem. YOU have to make a speech… something you have successfully avoided since primary school! You can’t buy or wriggle your way out of this one – it’s your duty, but you know you will only make a dog’s dinner of it. And what makes it worse is the wait.

You can see it now… you’ve been avoiding thinking about it for weeks… now it’s nearly time…hardly able to eat with the nerves… six visits to the toilet already today… the pounding of your heart… the cold, clammy sweat… the tightness of your chest… the fast, shallow breathing… your mouth dry… the lump in your throat… you look at your hands… they are trembling… all this planning … all this expense… all these people looking at you… watching… waiting… judging… the metallic taste in your mouth as you stand… your knees threatening to buckle… Oh sweet Jesus, let this be over!  

Relax. Help is at hand. Whether you are the Groom, the Best Man or the Father of the Bride, you too can look forward to the big day. Why leave it to chance? Especially when you can sort out your issue for less than the price of the wedding cake!

Fear of Public Speaking

The Good News is… it’s NOT just you! This is a really common fear. It can affect any of us at any time, but for some people it is an absolutely paralysing prospect. Indeed many people build their lives and careers around avoiding speaking publicly. How many times have you seen somebody perfectly normal, perfectly competent, professional and confident, go to pieces because they have to stand up and speak in front of an audience?

The excellent news is you can fix this, quickly and effectively. As a trained Cognitive Hypnotherapist I have a long history of helping people just like you shed the fears of a lifetime. Basically, using tried and tested techniques, I can help you to help yourself, Everything from wedding speeches, to Interviews, to Presentations, to Driving Tests. In fact, any situation where people are uncomfortable being watched or judged.  And all this with not a swinging watch in sight. Come with a past… leave with a future.

Why not grasp the nettle and give it a spin. It can’t be any worse than what’s coming up, can it? You will be in control at all times; my service is completely confidential and there is none of that ‘one, two three you’re back in the room’ nonsense. And the really excellent news is that if I can’t help you – you don’t pay.

The Bride

Let’s face it. Some people love being the centre of attention. Some people are terrified of it. Some people enjoy planning everything down to the tiniest detail. Some people would run a mile if they could. Fact is, for whatever reason, too many Brides don’t actually enjoy the day like they should. Too much pressure. Too much stress. Too many people to please. All over in a flash and a blur. A few butterflies is fine (and natural). A ball of stress gnawing away at your guts for weeks is not! Why bother with all the stress when you can learn a couple of simple techniques – to help you slow your racing mind – so you too can actually enjoy (yes enjoy!) the biggest day of your life.

Sort it out. Give me a ring. Today. Don’t leave it til the last minute! And like I said… if I can’t help you – I won’t charge you

So… Think You’re A Smart Ass?

Isn’t it great to be alive? Life is all about choices. Sometimes these are difficult ones. We cannot always please everybody. Some people find it easy and natural to take a course of action which they know is right, even if it means sacrifice and carries a high personal cost. Others find it almost impossible to make difficult decisions. Often those who lack the gumption or backbone to admit this will tie themselves in knots, trying to justify or rationalize their cowardly choices.

Those who regularly pick the ‘path of least resistance’ always seem shocked when the proverbial hits the fan later. People can often forgive them lacking the moral fibre to make the original hard choice. However, it is their attempts to wriggle off the hook - and blame everybody but themselves – that earns them scorn, ridicule and contempt.

Making good, honest decisions with integrity is not an accident – it is a pattern and a habit. Making decisions depending on which way the wind is blowing, is also not an accident. It is a habit. Luckily, I know someone who can help you that!

This little tale is offered for just such people. It is inspired by the little drummer boy, who is unlikely to read this – but I can always post him a copy…

The Smart Ass

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into an old well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

The farmer couldn’t figure out a way to help his faithful friend without putting himself in danger. Finally, he decided that, as the animal was old, and that the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth the effort to retrieve the donkey.

Now the farmer couldn’t bear to do the dirty deed himself. So he invited some friends, who had more experience of covering things up, to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. The farmer couldn’t stand this and blocked his ears. Then, to everyone's amazement the donkey became quiet.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's friends continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey jumped up over the edge of the well and defiantly trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the hole you are in is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less

Now, enough of that . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

And the moral of this story?…
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you!

How would you like something free, gratis, and for nothing that can absolutely change your outlook on life and it’s challenges? Bear with me, it’s coming right up.

It looks at first glance to be so easy that it couldn’t possibly work, could it?  Well in clinical tests in the USA the ‘3 gifts’ exercise has been shown to be as effective as Prozac in treating depression. So if you are not actually depressed just how amazing could it be for you?

For two hundred years psychologists and psychotherapists have studied messed-up, dysfunctional people. Eventually someone suggested that instead of studying the basket-cases it might be an idea to study happy people and see what makes them so happy. They discovered that the most happy people are also the most grateful. The following simple, but powerful, technique is borrowed from the field of Positive Psychology.

Just before you go to sleep, write down three ‘gifts’ or good things that happened to you today. These could be wee things like getting a cup of tea made for you; or hearing the birds singing; a child’s smile; or watching a great game of football. Even the worst day has some gifts if you look for them. Do this every night for three weeks. And, err, that’s it. That is all you have to do.

The Science

By recalling positive things just before sleep you are doing two things.

Firstly, all the latest research in neuro-science shows that by recalling good things, you release exactly the same happy chemical cocktail into your blood that you did when you experienced them first time round. Your brain loves these chemicals. Piling one memory on top of the other multiplies their effect. Therefore you go to sleep happy.

Over the days your brain becomes primed to look for and notice these ‘gifts’. So you spend your day looking for the good, positive stuff. This has the effect of filtering out many of the negative things you might have dwelt on before.

Old News

Of course there is nothing new in this. Remember when you were a kid and you said your prayers to each night? ‘Thank you God for…’. Well 3 gifts works on exactly the same principle, but doesn’t require the child-like innocence. The main difference is that these days the scientific community finally has an explanation for WHY it works, rather than the folk-knowledge of so many cultures just knowing that it DOES work.

This is an incredibly effective technique that works for everybody of every age, gender, faith and class.  And it costs you nothing but a couple of minutes of your time. Can you spare two minutes each day to make yourself, and those around you, happier?

Kids love to be asked for their 3 gifts. If you make this part of their bedtime ritual they will actually begin to look forward to bed time. That in itself is worth checking out for a couple of weeks isn’t it? And you might be amazed at how much you can learn about what is really important to your kids and partner, rather than what you think they like, and need, from you.

This ‘secret’ is so simple, yet so brilliant, you would think they would teach it in schools. Well they are actually starting to teach this stuff now to student teachers. Every other schoolteacher and parent out there should try it out, now.

What would your 3 gifts for today be? I challenge any of you to try this and not feel better as a result. Why not take up the challenge… and spread a little happiness. E-mail me to let me know how ye get on (liam@chilo.org)

If you copy and paste this link it will take you to a recnt article in the Observer newspaper. It's about how hypnosis is gaining acceptance from medical practitioners all over the world

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/jun/07/hypnotise-patients-doctors-operations-anaesthetics

Isn’t it great to be alive!

First the bad news… Giving out is like swine flu - highly contagious. If you are complaining it invites the person you are talking to to join in. One comment about the shocking weather leads to another, throw in a bad football result and the recession, and before you know it you’re in the middle of a full scale crying match.

Let’s face it, some people light up a room by entering it – and others do so by leaving. Listening to workmates, family or neighbours giving out all the time can be hard work. You can almost feel them draining the life force from you. In fact some people seem to have their own personal dark cloud that follows them around – and it can envelop you too if you are not careful.

The good news is that being cheerful can be even more contagious. In fact it can reach epidemic proportions very quickly. Life is all about choices. You can choose to give out all day or you can choose to tell yourself (any anybody else listening) ‘isn’t it great to be alive’. You maybe can’t choose who you meet every day – but you can choose how you react.

You can look at a half glass of water (or whiskey) and say it’s half-full or half-empty. Even if you look at it and say ‘get away from my glass, or I’ll thump the head off ye’, it’s still a choice. So try this…

Next time someone around starts to give out, just say ‘But isn’t it great to be alive’. You are doing three distinct things here. Firstly you are interrupting their flow of negative thought, and allowing them to choose a positive one instead. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, you are deflecting their negativity away from you. This one simple sentence can become like a powerful invisible shield for you. Thirdly you are actively engaging in what psychologists call affirmation. This is the power of positive thought.

These days most people are aware that all the top sports teams and athletes use positive psychology. The simple truth is that we project our own destiny. So, if you wake up and tell yourself ‘This is gonna be another crap day’, guess what?  It will surely be every bit as bad as you predicted. If instead you tell yourself ‘This is gonna be a great day’ or ‘Isn’t it great to be alive’ you will also find the evidence to prove yourself right. If it’s good enough for Tiger Woods or Kieran McGeeney, isn’t it good enough for us?

It’s fair to say that most of us are already aware of this. Knowing it and being able to do something about it are two different things though. Now the people in the ‘positive mental attitude’ industry like to dress this up in psycho-babble. This helps them sell their books and seminars where they will tell you ‘The Secret’ or ‘5 easy ways to happiness’. They also put most ordinary people off by complicating things. My aim here is to simplify them.

Why not give it a go? We have nothing to lose but our chains! Next time you meets a neighbour who starts off with ‘isn’t the weather shockin bad’, just say ‘But, isn’t it great to be alive!’  9 out of 10 people will say ‘Isn’t it just’ or ‘Jeez you’re right’. Even if you don’t shift em first time – persevere. They say ‘jeez, I never seen the work so bad’ – you say ‘But isn’t it great to be alive’ They say ‘Isn’t the place gone to hell altogether’ – you say, guess what?  Even if they walk off muttering about how you must be on drugs, you stay happy. And even then, they have been infected by your cheerfulness. They might not know it yet – but they will…

It’s a perfect circle. You think positive; that releases endorphins and all the other good stuff into your bloodstream; that makes you feel good; so you think positive; that releases endorphins… Of course it works in reverse as well, if you dwell on negative thoughts. So today, right now, do you choose happiness or misery?

We can’t change the weather, the economy or the ‘youth of today’. But we can choose how we think about life, after all… isn’t it great to be alive! 

Phobias

Jeez they are great craic aren’t they? There’s yer man, could fight the whole pub but scared of spiders. And yer wan runs out of the house at the sight of a wasp. That boy there can’t go to visit his own grandchildren cos he’s scared to fly. Birds, dogs, spiders, worms, driving, planes, lifts, escalators, even feet(!), are all common phobias.

Yep. No doubt about it, phobias are really funny – as long as they belong to somebody else. For the people who have them they are far from funny. Many people have to completely rearrange their lives in order to hide their guilty little secret. It’s not much fun for their families sometimes either. Often their fear has been made worse when, as a child, someone discovered their fear and deliberately tormented them about it. Yep, you can’t beat the considerate older sibling chasing you round the garden with a worm, as a self-confidence building tool, can you?

Then of course there is the guilt. The guilt of depriving your loved ones of many of  lifes little treats because of your fear; the guilt you feel when you think about how you might pass on your fears to your children and inflict the same turmoil and strife on the next generation.

I trained in Hypnotherapy at The Quest Institute in Regents Park in London.  One of my fellow students had a career teaching microsurgery to Surgeons. She regularly carried out heart and lung transplants on mice. By any measure she was a highly qualified and respected professional – who was absolutely terrified of the dark! Being plunged into darkness would reduce her immediately to a shrieking banshee, trying to claw through walls to escape. I saw her phobia cured in jig time. Being a cynic I then asked her into a small projection room and turned off the lights. In the complete pitch blackness this small little voice cheerfully said ‘well, well, that really is remarkable’. Wasn’t it just?

Another time I encountered a woman who was petrified of mice. After her session a colleague was dispatched to a pet shop to buy a mouse to test her reaction. The shop had no mice left, but our boy was not to be denied, so he returned with a white RAT. Now I thought this was pushing it a bit, so I was dumfounded when she managed to stroke it, whilst remarking how cute it looked!

One lady I saw recently had a phobia of wasps and bees. No big deal, you say. Well she had been run over (as an adult) running away from a wasp. She holidayed in Spain every year because there are no wasps. At 38 she had never hosted, or even been to, a barbeque. She couldn’t even consider eating or drinking outside. If there was a wasp in the house she had to leave. She had often had to stop strangers on the street outside her house, and ask them into her home to ‘shoo’ a wasp out. Luckily most people were happy to help out the ‘mad-woman’ who stood shaking before them, but how embarrassing is that?

After just one session we sat in the kiddies playground in the Quays shopping centre while she sat, smiling and laughing, watching three wasps hover around the bins, right beside us. The following day she calmly shoo-ed a wasp out the window of her tiny utility room.

If you suffer from a phobia, don’t suffer in silence. Help is at hand. The fact is the vast majority of phobias can be ‘cured’, totally and completely in one or two sessions with a qualified Hypnotherapist. There is no magic wand, no hocus-pocus, no lotions or potions, and absolutely no laying on of hands involved in the ‘curing’ of phobias.

Richard Bandler, the co-founder of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), wanted to find out how to help phobic people. Instead of having his theory and trying to make people fit into it, he thought it might be an idea to ask the sufferers themselves. So he put an advert in a California newspaper asking people who used to have phobias – but didn’t anymore – to come and speak to him and his team. The result of that process was the Fast Phobia Cure. Tens of thousands of people around the world have been ‘cured’ since.

I have never had a client who wasn’t absolutely gob smacked at how quick, complete and devastatingly simple the Fast Phobia Cure is. In fact the FPC has often worked as a ‘convincer’ and provided them with the evidence they needed that hypnotherapy works, and led to them addressing other issues as well. They should teach this stuff in schools – but if they did I’d be out of work!

So whether you are a phobic, or somebody who lives with one, and want to take back some control over your life, don’t despair – take action! You and your family need not suffer in silence because your fear can be sorted – quickly and painlessly.